The Fake Wedding
by QueenV101
Summary: "Because it's never that easy"- Sam
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer:

I don't own iCarly or the movie this is based off of.

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><p>The Fake Wedding: Meeting the Family<p>

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><p><em>Because it's never that simple…<em>

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><p>Walking in the park, I feel the cool wind running through my hair. It's a normal breezy day for October. I feel drained and need to refresh.<p>

Why you might ask?

Well to start things off, my name is Freddie Benson. I come from a long line of many Bensons. I bring this up because we are a very close family. When I mean close, I mean, stick it through no matter what, share every piece of information about your life, and always have each other's backs.

My family consists of my mother, five sisters, eight nieces, and two brother-and-laws.

And this is just my close family.

There are hundreds (literally!) of us Bensons. I just happened to get stuck in the damn family that has all women.

My mother's name is Marissa. She is 63. She is the current owner of the Benson-Gleeson stores. You might have heard of them. They are your basic large supermarkets with everything in them. She's like the glue to all of us. After my father Hercules had passed away, she has been in our business even more lately.

Hercules my father was an amazing man. He kept my family sane (well saner) and together. When he died two years ago, my mother started to go through her 'life is so short phase' and became crazy on trying to push everyone to doing his or her best in what they do. It has been a hassle with her on me 24/7, but at least I know she cares.

My oldest sister is Caroline. She is an architect, married, and has three daughters. She is 42. Her husbands name is Kyle Patterson. He is an architect as well. They met in college and it was love at first sight. Their daughters' names are Kelly, Kathy, and Kiki.

My first youngest sister is Maria. At age 37 she is an art teacher and is married. Her husband's name is Tim and they have twin daughters named, Joy and Hope. Tim is a retired baseball player for some team I don't care to know. All I'm aware of is that he had gotten injured but was so great that he still receives a hearty check in the mail. He does announcements for the games all the time at our local stadium.

My second youngest sister is Teresa. She is an owner/co-manager at the Benson Gleeson stores. She owns the whole store. She had adopted three girls at 35 when she found out she couldn't become pregnant. She is single and says that life is just for her. Her daughters' names are Susie, Caitlin, and Alexandra. It's Alex for short because she absolutely hates that name.

My third youngest sister is Lisa. She is the other co-manger for one of the stores. She is very messy girl and doesn't take directions well. Teresa was nice enough to let her have this job. She is 32

My youngest sister of all is Victoria. I absolutely love her. She is 25 and just graduated pharmacy school. She is very smart and is like me a lot of times. We get along very well.

And that is all my family.

Well, there are our very close friends. The Shays. I had dated Carly for about 2 months before we decided that we were better off as friends. Her wacky brother and her very much like my family always sticking close together. We treat them like family and invite them over all the time.

Now about me.

Well I am currently 39 and single. I like it that way.

You see, while is college, trying to figure out what the hell I wanted to be, I go caught up with this girl named Tara.

Tara was loud, slutty, and everything my mother and sisters hated.

My mother has formed a little group with my sisters called the Benson 6. They always meet to discuss (*cough-gossip-*) business.

One day I invited Tara over for dinner because things were starting to get a little serious. I knew something was going to go wrong when mom called a Benson 6 meeting.

In short, they ragged on Tara right in front of her and she left the house crying. I ran after her hoping to make amends, but she decided to end things with me right there. She even threw her scarf at me!

I realized that I had to separate myself from my family in order to live a better life.

So I packed up my things and put all my saved money into a college dorm.

One night, I was savoring Tara's scarf scent, because it was all I had left of her, and thought about all the different chemicals that went into that scent.

I went to the Chem. Lab and worked through the process of finding the exact scent.

I also found my calling.

I knew that my nose was always special, and I used it to broaden my horizons. I created a perfume line call The Nose. We are very big now, until recently where I have found a problem.

But that's not even why I'm so depressed today.

You see this problem all started from when I had a family dinner and we were discussing marriage.

More specially my marriage!

Oh Boy!

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><p>So Author's Note:<p>

I will be taking a break from my other story to do this one, but I will eventually end finish that story.

This is and AU. I love doing AU. Oh and this is going to be from both Freddie and Sam's POV's.

Sam doesn't know anybody, but Gibby in this story and you'll find out why later.

And they are a little OCC but they basically are the same people.

This is based off a movie I saw the other day.

If I get 5 reviews or alerts, I'll write the next chapter.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:**

**I don't own iCarly or the movie this is based off of.**

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><p>The Fake Wedding: The Foursome Encounter<p>

_Because it's never that simple…_

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><p>It all started (isn't that funny that most problems start with that stupid statement) with a lovely Sunday dinner.<p>

Every Sunday, since I turned 20, my family and I have a big dinner to talk about our week and other things in our lives. In short, it's a way for mom to find out all our business and in a very polite way.

So we were eating the big dinner, with everyone chatting around the table, and I asked Maria if she had done my laundry.

"No spiffy, I didn't," Maria replied with an stern look on her face.

Just for clarification, spiffy is the nickname I earned when I was a little boy. The reason for it is for another story for another time. Back to the story.

I was confused on why she was acting this way, more uptight and fed-up, so I acquired it as nicely as I could.

"Why the hell didn't you!" Okay I lied about the nicely part, but hey, a man needs his laundry done.

"Because I'm not your maid, nobody is your maid. You act like you can't do anything. You never do your laundry, you never fix your own dinner, and heck you never if kill the spiders in your own house. My own HUSBAND has to come over and do it for you. Face it spiffy, I don't have all the time in the world to cater for you. Why would you even make me do all this shit for you!"

And this is what set her off:

"Maybe because I have an actual job, unlike you who's married to a rich football player who brings home the money while you be a broke freeloading teacher girl."

In my defense I thought she couldn't hear what I said, or I definitely wouldn't have said as loud as I did. I don't regret saying it, just regret saying it that loud.

"One he is a baseball player idiot!"

"Do I look like I give a care you freeloader!"

"Oh just go yell at someone who gives a –"

"Why don't you go play with the other teachers in you broke down teacher's offi–"

"Why don't you–,"

"Enough!"

It was my mom. I should have known that something bad was going to happen when she yelled to be quiet. My mother never yells.

"The reason why spiffy is all worked up might have to do with the laundry, I think," Um yes it did.

"I think it might have to do with a lack of someone in his life," Um no it doesn't.

"It is now decided by the power of the president of the B6, that we will find him what he needs most," What in the world.

"A wife," Oh crap!

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><p>An so it began. Apparently my sisters are more popular than they let on.<p>

Every where I go, I would bump into some desperate girl that was trying to get with me.

Some were tall, some were short. Some were skinny some, were fat. Some were gorgeous and some were down-right disgusting. There even was a guy in the mix. His name was John. My family didn't care who (thereby what gender) the person was, they just wanted to see a ring on my finger and a person on my hip.

One day I was in the Groovy Smoothie waiting for my buddy Gibby to come in.

Gibby and I have been best friends since the beginning. It started off as him trying to get with one of my sister in 9th grade, but then we noticed that we both had similar interest, like technology, and quickly became friends.

I love technology. Besides my nose, it's the best thing that has ever walked, metaphorically of course, into my life. I just wanted tot put that out there.

So, while waiting for Gibby, I was thinking about what I was going to do about my family. I never really stood up to them before, except that one time in college, but I thought I might have to. This wife-business is getting out of hand.

Anyway, I was thinking this when a petit blonde walked up to me.

I knew where this was going.

"Hi, I'm Sam, you must be Freddie," this Sam person said.

"Look Sam you're hot and all, but I'm not looking for a wife, but if you want to get laid, I'm your man," I said rather coldly but truthfully. I wouldn't mind sleeping with her.

Sam looked taken back, but the replied with a sly smile, "You know, we definitely should, but let's have a foursome,"

_Wha-what?_ I smartly thought.

"Wha-what?," I smarty replied.

"Yeah, let's do it, I so get turned on when I see men french-kissing. Plus this would be more wild, don't you think,"

"WHAT!" I yelled not quite believing what she was saying.

The next moment was one of those "duh" Kodak moments where your mouth hangs low and you call yourself a dumbass.

"Hey Freddie. Oh Sam, I'm glad you're here! Freddie, I'll like for you to meet my kid sister Sam," Gibby said as he walked.

Cue the "Duh".

Cue the mouth hanging low.

Cue the, wait for it…Dumbass!

Author's note:

Thanks so much for all the alerts and reviews.

To answer a question: AU is alternate universe. So the characters are kind of different but the are still the same.

I won't update until I get 8 reviews.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:**

**I don't own iCarly or the movie this is based off of.**

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><p><em>The Fake Wedding: Miss Sam's Debut <em>

_Because it's never that simple…_

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><p>When I woke up that morning, I thought that it was going to be a good day.<p>

It really wasn't.

My name is Sam Puckett; I am currently 39 and single. How sad, right?

I repair furniture as a job. I can put my carpenter and artistic skills together and get paid for it, too. So you see my life isn't all that it is cracked up to be.

Just wait. It gets worse.

I live with my older brother, Gibby, who currently rents a two-bedroom nice apartment. If you can get over the fact that it smells like hotdogs and liquid soap, and that he has strange women over all the time, it a pretty chill house.

Let me tell you a little more about myself. I am lazy, very lazy. I just broke up with my boyfriend of five years named Lorenzo. He is Italian, which I can speak, handsome to death, and a great all around person. We broke up with a major issue that we disagreed on, and never really repaired after that.

I used to live with Lorenzo, but once we broke up, I gave back everything he gave me and wanted to start a new life. Lorenzo didn't want to leave me without anything and being the great guy he is offered to help me start the new life I wanted. He tried to loan me some money, did I mention he is rich, but I foolishly said "no thanks, sweet cheeks!"

FOOL!

So now I'm just broke and getting myself back 'out there'. Gibby has been such a big help. He always was more of parent than my mom and dad.

Family was never really a big thing when I grew up. I moved out at 18 and left for college to get my business degree. I rarely spoke to parents, and Gibby is all that I have left.

He might be weird at times, but I sure do love him.

So now that you have heard my great life story (rolling my eyes), I can get back to the day I had.

Anyway, once I got out of bed, I realized I was hungry, and that Gibby had nothing to eat. It didn't help my ODH (over due hunger) that a cooking show called Hungry Girl was on. That women is a genius, but she mentioned a Whoopee Pie, and I don't know what the hell that is.

Sorry, off topic.

I told Gibby about our food dilemma, and he said that he was going out with a friend to the Groovy Smoothie, and I could tag along because that's where he was getting breakfast at. I thought about it and decided to come.

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><p>Gibby went on and on about his smart and polite friend named Freddie, and how I was going to love him. He also said that Freddie was looking for a girlfriend, and how *wink-wink* I should show him some of my Puckett charm. Did I forget to mention Gibby and I have different dads, so we have different last names. But don't worry we are still related by the same terrible mother. Gibby jus thinks that my dad had so much charm to get my mom to marry HIM (back then my mother wasn't such a slut), so he says that my charm is always my Puckett charm.<p>

In some ways I think he is right, but how many men wouldn't want to sleep with a beautiful, single, no-kids 39 year-old. I might be almost 40, but I still look very hot.

Just to clarify something before we go into me meeting a certain Mr. Benson.

I was hungry and felt particular rude today. But, hey, he was pretty to me first.

Okay. I walk in the Groovy Smoothie. It's changed since I have been there last time. It has two parts to it, the Groovy Smoothie part and also a Groovy Restaurant. The restaurant is very big and has a nice atmosphere. They mostly serve hamburgers and French fries. I walked in the restaurant and found Freddie sitting down with his back towards me.

He actually looked kind of nice the way he slouched in his seat. While I walked up, to introduce myself, that is when the trouble began.

"Hi, I'm Sam, you must be Freddie," I said.

"Look Sam you're hot and all, but I'm not looking for a wife, but if you want to get laid, I'm your man," he said. What the hell was Gibby talking about.

Polite my ass!

I was taken back and was about to walk away, but I thought that I should have fun Mr. Man-Whore, "You know, we definitely should, but let's have a foursome,"

"Wha-what?," he _smarty_ replied.

"Yeah, let's do it, I so get turned on when I see men French-kissing. Plus this would be more wild, don't you think," I was so making this up, but you would have too if you were the reason for the face on Freddie's face.

"WHAT!" he yelled

The next moment was one of those moments where God must be enjoying the show right now because he totally was making my luck better.

"Hey Freddie. Oh Sam, I'm glad you're here! Freddie, I'll like for you to meet my kid sister Sam," Gibby said as he walked.

Freddie stared at me for a moment. Once he finally stopped he started to respond to Gibby.

"So… this is S-Sam ," he stuttered.

"Yeah, I told you she was going to be joining us."

I just had to take me seat and try not to laugh at his predicament. Big word. Score for me! Just learned that word.

"What did you talk about when I ordered our food?" Gibby asked while looking confused at my smug smirk and Freddie's uncomfortable frown.

"Nothing," we both said at the same time and glared.

After that, I hoped to have never heard from Freddie again. If he was looking for a wife, he could kiss his chance with me goodbye. I know that we would never be that close, ever!

Boy, how irony likes to come around and bite you in the butt.

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><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

**Thanks for the reivews. I hope you liked Sam's intake on that encounter. Next Chapter will be back to Freddie and we get to find out his plan on stopping his mother and sisters from him to get married. We will finally meet the shay family soon.**

**PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE GIVE ME 10 Reviews MERCI!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:**

**I don't own iCarly or the movie this is based off of.**

_The (Fake) Wedding: The Plan, kind of. _

_Because it's never that simple…_

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><p>I had a plan.<p>

Well, let me clarify.

I almost had a plan. It was _genius_ and it was the perfect way to get my mother and sisters off my case about not getting married. The plan was too good to be true. I couldn't even believe that it came to me.

Well, actually, it didn't come to me, but it _was_ suggested.

Let me tell how it happened.

Gibby and myself were at the Shay's apartment waiting for Carly to finish making her cookies and join us so we could all play _Loser! _Gibby was rambling on about this Indonesian woman he met at the supermarket and how he won her. Then he mentioned something that threw me off guard.

Fake marriage.

Apparently the woman liked married men (more of a challenge), Gibby pretended to be married in order to get her.

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, it came to me like a prophetic dream, it–the point is that I got an idea. Oddly enough from Gibby's ridiculous nighttime catches.

If I could get my mom and sisters to believe that I was truly getting married, then they would get off my back. And when I was suppose to get married, the girl would "stand me up" at the alter, I would be so heart broken that I would never believe in true love again. Then, boom, I didn't have to get married. It was genius.

But Carly didn't think so.

Carly, she used to be the girl of my dreams, my stalker dreams, though. When I first met her in sixth grade, I knew I was going to marry her. But after awhile, we became great friends and she ended up with one of the greatest girls I know. She's now happily married to Brad Princeton.

Brad Princeton.

He was my best friend in high school and we still are great friends until this very day. Carly has an older brother named Spencer who lives in Ireland. He visits often but is an artist, so his work really is to travel. I would hate not seeing my family that much, but that's Spencer for you, he was never great in the head if you understand me.

Anyway, for some reason Carly turned down my brilliant plan off the bat. Why? I really don't know.

"It's dangerous Freddie, you could get hurt, and the poor girl could get hurt, even your family could get hurt. Just wait until you find the right girl, don't go through all this torture." Carly stated.

I still didn't know what the big deal was.

"But I am never going to find the right girl, it's just impossible for me," I argued

"I'm with Freddie on this one, Carly," Gibby agreed. (I wasn't sure if I should have been offended or flattered. I chose the latter)

"But he will, I know he will. Besides, how is he going to 'find' a girl that could be the perfect woman for his family? They hate almost anyone who he dates, no offense,"

But I wasn't offended; I had that part all figured out. The girl didn't have to _really_ be like I wanted her to be, she just had to _act_ like I needed her to be.

"I still don't know, it sounds risky?" Carly stated. Risky it was, but what other choice did I have. Go with the plan, or get wakened up by a crazy red headed chick in 3 AM every night. Yeah, it's been happening since my sisters have been meddling.

"Yeah, but I have to."

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><p>And so we began.<p>

I just had to make sure the girl could act as if her life depended on it. She had to meet most of the parts: nice, polite, clean, well mannered, humorous, delicate but not too delicate, intelligent, and not argumentative.

Making the list was the easy part, now I had to find the right girl.

I called everyone I knew if they could fix me up with someone, but no one was helpful. I even put out a pretend ad to get costumers coming. Yet, no one came.

Then one evening, I found her.

I was outside Gibby's apartment, waiting on him to come home. I needed to let him know that I was giving up and I couldn't find anyone. He opened the door, and then I saw her.

There she was, sitting down, looking as perfect as ever. She was going to be my leading lady. I couldn't believe I didn't think of her before.

Sam

SAM

SAM!

Wow that felt spazzy!

Anyway, Sam could do it. I know she can act; she acts like everything is perfectly fine between us when Gibby is around. But when he leaves, she turns all mean, all impolite, and all anti-good.

Is that a word?

Now all I have to do is convince her to do this for me.

But how?

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><p><strong>How will Freddie convince Sam? Tune in next time of: The (Fake) Wedding.<strong>

**And**

**REVIEW!**


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